Such a good read. I'm sharing your devastation. I live in Germany, so Trump won't impact my health care. I miscarried at home 1.5 years ago, was rushed to the ER and had a D&C a day later to remove the rest of the tissue. I was exhausted, and devastated, but relieved. I don't understand how fucked in your head you must be to vote for such vile human beings who are proud to deny women to be cared for in times of pain and despair. I stayed up all night and saw the results come in in disbelief. What now?
That scene from season 2 of Breaking Bad made me realize just how terrible Walter White was- until then his actions felt somewhat justifiable, but when he attempted to rape his wife I was so horrified!
This piece was so well-written. I really hope Trump doesn’t win again.
This is one of the finest post-mortems I have yet read, and you wrote it *before* the monumental travesty of this election.
Young men need better role models, and your timeline of toxicity in this regard explains exactly the crisis we're in.
I was in my mid-20s in NYC when that PUA scene was starting to creep (pun intended) in. I never read the book, as I had gotten some markedly less-misogynistic advice for handling my unmet romantic longings from my therapist at the time that was paying off for me. But it's so, *so* easy to see how wayward young dudes who don't know how to have a normal conversation or do anything besides play video games (nothing against video games) can fall into that trap.
The male role model crisis isn't new -- we're just seeing its consequences for the world in some incredibly painful ways right now. I don't know if GenZ men are a lost generation or not, but it's on decent men everywhere to turn this around for the cohort coming up behind them.
Thank god for therapy! And thank you for your kind words. Sadly, I've been very very worried for a very long time, and unfortunately on account of neurodivergence this is where my pattern recognition skills came in """handy""". Just because you see it coming doesnt mean you can stop it.
I'm blessed/cursed to come from a family with a lot of mental health professionals, so therapy was almost like our religion. Gotta say though, I feel better off for going through the process. And I still see a therapist and strongly believe in therapy as a mode of healing.
One thing all that therapy missed, though, was my own neurodivergence -- turns out I've got ADHD in a major way and didn't have any clue until my late-30s. Pattern recognition is a thing for me too, but I clearly missed this one. Perhaps I was blind to it, just being a guy who didn't fully understand the threat. Or I failed to appreciate the potential for long-term cultural damage -- "mens rights" was such laughable fringe stuff to me in the early days of that movement. Seemed like a dumb and fleeting trend. Not laughing now!
I loved every word of this. Your thoughts about the best of tv/film/plays mirroring the issues of the times is on the money. So interesting to look at these masterfully written shows and see so many people idolizing the shitty people. All good characters have shades of grey, of course; the hero fucks up, the villain has a heart. But the fact that SO many viewers were enraged by Skyler’s reasonable and appropriate response to Walter’s decisions really shines a light on how jacked up gender dynamics are.
Women have been socialized to seek out the bad boys, hence the existence of Mystery, the idiot who drinks beer in hell, Andrew Tate and every other swinging dick marketing their misogyny for fun and profit. Not to blame the victim, but women perpetuate this shit. Men wouldn’t do it if it didn’t work.
Highly recommended the 2 part series on David Chase currently on Max, lots of dirt on the making of The Sopranos. James Gandolfini was emotionally wrecked by channeling Tony, the violence broke his spirit.
The ever brilliant Edie Falco was fantastic in Nurse Jackie, a stab at the female anti-hero. Not a perfect show, but I applauded the attempt.
Six Feet Under also my favorite show ever. Excellent female characters with fully developed personalities. Fisher family forever. 🙌🏼
I’m glad you posted this. People need to start getting real with this shit. If that monster gets another term, I honestly don’t think I have what it takes to deal. That hate fest at MSG last night was a new low which is saying something.
Eight more days, Kari. I can’t stop thinking we can do this thing. ❤️
Such a good read. I'm sharing your devastation. I live in Germany, so Trump won't impact my health care. I miscarried at home 1.5 years ago, was rushed to the ER and had a D&C a day later to remove the rest of the tissue. I was exhausted, and devastated, but relieved. I don't understand how fucked in your head you must be to vote for such vile human beings who are proud to deny women to be cared for in times of pain and despair. I stayed up all night and saw the results come in in disbelief. What now?
That scene from season 2 of Breaking Bad made me realize just how terrible Walter White was- until then his actions felt somewhat justifiable, but when he attempted to rape his wife I was so horrified!
This piece was so well-written. I really hope Trump doesn’t win again.
Thank you. <3 me too. I have hope but its so hard to hope when we have been let down at every turn.
This is one of the finest post-mortems I have yet read, and you wrote it *before* the monumental travesty of this election.
Young men need better role models, and your timeline of toxicity in this regard explains exactly the crisis we're in.
I was in my mid-20s in NYC when that PUA scene was starting to creep (pun intended) in. I never read the book, as I had gotten some markedly less-misogynistic advice for handling my unmet romantic longings from my therapist at the time that was paying off for me. But it's so, *so* easy to see how wayward young dudes who don't know how to have a normal conversation or do anything besides play video games (nothing against video games) can fall into that trap.
The male role model crisis isn't new -- we're just seeing its consequences for the world in some incredibly painful ways right now. I don't know if GenZ men are a lost generation or not, but it's on decent men everywhere to turn this around for the cohort coming up behind them.
Thank god for therapy! And thank you for your kind words. Sadly, I've been very very worried for a very long time, and unfortunately on account of neurodivergence this is where my pattern recognition skills came in """handy""". Just because you see it coming doesnt mean you can stop it.
I'm blessed/cursed to come from a family with a lot of mental health professionals, so therapy was almost like our religion. Gotta say though, I feel better off for going through the process. And I still see a therapist and strongly believe in therapy as a mode of healing.
One thing all that therapy missed, though, was my own neurodivergence -- turns out I've got ADHD in a major way and didn't have any clue until my late-30s. Pattern recognition is a thing for me too, but I clearly missed this one. Perhaps I was blind to it, just being a guy who didn't fully understand the threat. Or I failed to appreciate the potential for long-term cultural damage -- "mens rights" was such laughable fringe stuff to me in the early days of that movement. Seemed like a dumb and fleeting trend. Not laughing now!
I loved every word of this. Your thoughts about the best of tv/film/plays mirroring the issues of the times is on the money. So interesting to look at these masterfully written shows and see so many people idolizing the shitty people. All good characters have shades of grey, of course; the hero fucks up, the villain has a heart. But the fact that SO many viewers were enraged by Skyler’s reasonable and appropriate response to Walter’s decisions really shines a light on how jacked up gender dynamics are.
Women have been socialized to seek out the bad boys, hence the existence of Mystery, the idiot who drinks beer in hell, Andrew Tate and every other swinging dick marketing their misogyny for fun and profit. Not to blame the victim, but women perpetuate this shit. Men wouldn’t do it if it didn’t work.
Highly recommended the 2 part series on David Chase currently on Max, lots of dirt on the making of The Sopranos. James Gandolfini was emotionally wrecked by channeling Tony, the violence broke his spirit.
The ever brilliant Edie Falco was fantastic in Nurse Jackie, a stab at the female anti-hero. Not a perfect show, but I applauded the attempt.
Six Feet Under also my favorite show ever. Excellent female characters with fully developed personalities. Fisher family forever. 🙌🏼
I’m glad you posted this. People need to start getting real with this shit. If that monster gets another term, I honestly don’t think I have what it takes to deal. That hate fest at MSG last night was a new low which is saying something.
Eight more days, Kari. I can’t stop thinking we can do this thing. ❤️
Thank you, Eileen. ❤️ your lips to gods ears, though the work will not be done. There is much hard work ahead.