You hit the nail on the head. I was trying to explain to people that, while I so hated what happened, that I was feeling... relief? Like you say... SHOE DROPPED. There is awfulness ahead, but now it's in clear view.
Oh, and "social media is the dopamine casino and the house always wins" is too good to not steal and way too good to just steal. Prepare to see that shared with proper citation.
I always have said "I can handle anything as long as I know what we are dealing with". We just were in agony waiting for the biopsy. Turns out its cancer.
What’s currently happening to me is I have been on a 9-4 am sleep schedule in Hawaii while my husband sleeps 12-8 so I have a lot of alone time on my hands to read before the sun even rises! I’m still very angry. I wasn’t surprised but I hoped so much to be wrong, to be proven wrong- I wrote this week I felt dumb for letting myself be hopeful even though I always thought he would win again.
And as to the conversations with Trump supporters- my sister has done far more of it than me because she’s married to one- the last time I recall trying to talk to him about anything was 2020 when my husband stayed up late talking to him at the beach- we went in October when the Covid surge was less but we were all angry with my BIL for not wearing a mask at the restaurant. My husband got fired up because we were with my grandparents in their 80s. This trip was also when Trump got Covid so that was interesting to experience.
Two months later my grandma had a cancer diagnosis so I’m very glad we went on that trip but I fell asleep listening to my husband talk to my BIL. I asked if he thought he could be saved from the misinformation and he said, “I think he’s in way too deep.”
As far as the ADHD- I think it was a great week for me to go on vacation because paid work wouldn’t have gone well. I accomplished very little last week, I was very busy sobbing all day Wednesday. I have never been on meds but there’s been a lot of disassociation moments because it’s too painful to stay in my feelings.
Do not feel dumb for feeling hopeful. Even when you are pretty sure the tumor is malignant, you don't know until you know, and you still have a bit of hope that it's not. Now we know. And we're all going to grieve in our own time in our own way. I'm in the anger phase and I ain't leaving until I am good and god damn ready.
I’ve had some conversations with people who support Trump (the ones with my husband go absolutely nowhere; we’ve been talking for years with no movement really, although we have gotten better about knowing when we’re getting too heated, but some other people were willing to have the conversation). I was told that they believed he would fix the economy so they had to vote for him by some people. I was also told that he was the “more Christian” choice because these white women were pro-life and worried about the impact of the LGBTQ community on their children if they supported a Democratic candidate- while I obviously am a Christian, the conservative Christian crowd continue to be really fired up about marriage not being something they want for gay people to be able to do, and it is so aggravating to me!!
I was born and raised working class. Some of my relatives also voted for Trump bc of “the economy” which is truly amazing since they are just fine in that respect.
I don’t live in your marriage, so I’m not going to make grand pronouncements about your husband, and I respect and value that you make your own decisions. On the other hand, Im just not sure I could trust him. Either way, I think men are about to face a reckoning.
I love this! I joined Substack to read anotherjaneorattthing and then discovered I was loving writing comments in it so hoping to start my own writing . Incidentally also just diagnosed with ADHD and the executive function required to organize more than 3 sentences eludes me, but im determined because all of this testing also indicated unusually strong verbal ability and I want to channel it in writing. I wonder how you manage to write with ADHD??? But after all these tangential asides (I also have ASD), what I really signed on to say was that on top of relating to so much of what you wrote, I relate way too hard to that final line about the keys 😭
Hi Jane, and welcome! I have always written. Since i was little. It's just what I do. Right now, the ability to focus is coming from Adderall and sheer white hot rage LOL.
But in all seriousness - you just organized three sentences together! :) My suggestion would be to start with a paper journal and a pen. If you want to write, and start learning about what your flow feels like, you can't be on the dopamine machine (computer or phone). Exercise for you - put on a song you love and write about how it makes you feel, or what memories it brings to mind. Music is instrumental for me. Verbal ability and writing aren't as related as you think - it is about being able to listen to your inner voice and indulge the stuff your brain likes. I hope that is helpful!
Thank you. So, so many thoughts. You are "spot on" with so much of this. Decades of recovery should have prepared me for the unexpected, but I was struck broadside. Utterly speechless for days, now. But you have eloquently put into words what I've been thinking. Thank you. Write on!
It's so weird how this just gave me a fuckton of clarity REAL FAST. I think in my heart of hearts, I knew he would win again, and I've been quiet in my house for a long time. I thought I was healing. That was only part of it. I was preparing myself for battle.
I just learned that people with ADHD or ASD actually do feel injustice much more keenly. And that the word is not “feel”, because when they do a brain scan, it is our cognitive centres rather than our emotional ones – don’t ask me what they are, I am not a Neurologist – that are activated. We think it through and are absolutely enraged. And right now I think that is our fucking job. We are doing the work we are supposed to do.
you are absolutely right - I will be talking about justice sensitivity in a later post. And of course the RSD of it all has kept us from speaking our minds and what our brains figured out before other people did...but let me tell you, my concerns about what people think of me have flown directly out the window.
I want to be a paid subscriber but I can’t do it directly only from newsletter that I got via email. So only in this case I can join. By the way, I’m from Iraq- Baghdad, and I think the Substack application’policy differs from country to country in respect to payment details. All the best.
ah I don't know what the payment specificities are with Substack, and you're so kind but tell you what - my dumbshit country MORE than owes you one so don't worry about it. :)
Thanks for this piece 😊. Being only slightly older than you, reading it is just like listening to my own inner voice nattering away…
For a newbie ADHDer, I recommend Additude magazine - I get their table of contents by email. Some issues are like “Crap. That’s me from cover to cover.”
Yeah, I won't start again because I am actually allergic to something in cigarettes, or it sets off my stomach issues/hives. The last time I smoked was when Roe fell, and I felt HORRIBLE. SO HORRIBLE. So vape it is, and they can take it out of my cold dead hands.
The last time I had a cigarette was election night 2016. My then baby didn’t smell it on me when I came home. My nine year old would 100% and call me out! As he should.
CARE-e not CAR-e for me. Officially a Karen, which has not been in fashion since 1981 when I was born, but is so much even less in fashion now. At Starbucks I was once a verb.
I see and appreciate your rage - you’re in good company. I am still numb over here and trying to cope by doing long walks, comfort food and as much sleeping as I can manage. Neurodivergent brain has been allll over the place, of course. Bracing myself for thanksgiving - I will not be cooking, or engaging on political topics.
I can’t afford to cut off people in my life with different views, and have gotten better about knowing when to save my breath to protect my sanity. Folks on both sides of the political spectrum have strong, deeply held beliefs unlikely to be swayed by others’ opinions and arguments, and everyone feels that THE OTHER CANDIDATE represents a dangerous threat to their way of life / sense of safety / freedoms. Harris voters just have actual evidence that the other candidate is dangerous. Strap in, folks!
Heard and valid. Everyone has to figure out their lines right now. I don’t have kids. There’s no financial issues in this for me. So this is my line. But we all need to find them somewhere and fast
You hit the nail on the head. I was trying to explain to people that, while I so hated what happened, that I was feeling... relief? Like you say... SHOE DROPPED. There is awfulness ahead, but now it's in clear view.
Oh, and "social media is the dopamine casino and the house always wins" is too good to not steal and way too good to just steal. Prepare to see that shared with proper citation.
I always have said "I can handle anything as long as I know what we are dealing with". We just were in agony waiting for the biopsy. Turns out its cancer.
What’s currently happening to me is I have been on a 9-4 am sleep schedule in Hawaii while my husband sleeps 12-8 so I have a lot of alone time on my hands to read before the sun even rises! I’m still very angry. I wasn’t surprised but I hoped so much to be wrong, to be proven wrong- I wrote this week I felt dumb for letting myself be hopeful even though I always thought he would win again.
And as to the conversations with Trump supporters- my sister has done far more of it than me because she’s married to one- the last time I recall trying to talk to him about anything was 2020 when my husband stayed up late talking to him at the beach- we went in October when the Covid surge was less but we were all angry with my BIL for not wearing a mask at the restaurant. My husband got fired up because we were with my grandparents in their 80s. This trip was also when Trump got Covid so that was interesting to experience.
Two months later my grandma had a cancer diagnosis so I’m very glad we went on that trip but I fell asleep listening to my husband talk to my BIL. I asked if he thought he could be saved from the misinformation and he said, “I think he’s in way too deep.”
As far as the ADHD- I think it was a great week for me to go on vacation because paid work wouldn’t have gone well. I accomplished very little last week, I was very busy sobbing all day Wednesday. I have never been on meds but there’s been a lot of disassociation moments because it’s too painful to stay in my feelings.
Do not feel dumb for feeling hopeful. Even when you are pretty sure the tumor is malignant, you don't know until you know, and you still have a bit of hope that it's not. Now we know. And we're all going to grieve in our own time in our own way. I'm in the anger phase and I ain't leaving until I am good and god damn ready.
I’ve had some conversations with people who support Trump (the ones with my husband go absolutely nowhere; we’ve been talking for years with no movement really, although we have gotten better about knowing when we’re getting too heated, but some other people were willing to have the conversation). I was told that they believed he would fix the economy so they had to vote for him by some people. I was also told that he was the “more Christian” choice because these white women were pro-life and worried about the impact of the LGBTQ community on their children if they supported a Democratic candidate- while I obviously am a Christian, the conservative Christian crowd continue to be really fired up about marriage not being something they want for gay people to be able to do, and it is so aggravating to me!!
I was born and raised working class. Some of my relatives also voted for Trump bc of “the economy” which is truly amazing since they are just fine in that respect.
I don’t live in your marriage, so I’m not going to make grand pronouncements about your husband, and I respect and value that you make your own decisions. On the other hand, Im just not sure I could trust him. Either way, I think men are about to face a reckoning.
Absolutely not, I volunteered on the Kamala campaign.
I love this! I joined Substack to read anotherjaneorattthing and then discovered I was loving writing comments in it so hoping to start my own writing . Incidentally also just diagnosed with ADHD and the executive function required to organize more than 3 sentences eludes me, but im determined because all of this testing also indicated unusually strong verbal ability and I want to channel it in writing. I wonder how you manage to write with ADHD??? But after all these tangential asides (I also have ASD), what I really signed on to say was that on top of relating to so much of what you wrote, I relate way too hard to that final line about the keys 😭
Hi Jane, and welcome! I have always written. Since i was little. It's just what I do. Right now, the ability to focus is coming from Adderall and sheer white hot rage LOL.
But in all seriousness - you just organized three sentences together! :) My suggestion would be to start with a paper journal and a pen. If you want to write, and start learning about what your flow feels like, you can't be on the dopamine machine (computer or phone). Exercise for you - put on a song you love and write about how it makes you feel, or what memories it brings to mind. Music is instrumental for me. Verbal ability and writing aren't as related as you think - it is about being able to listen to your inner voice and indulge the stuff your brain likes. I hope that is helpful!
Thank you so much, I will definitely try that!
I heart your rage fueled clarity. Let me know if I should start a Go Fund Me for an unmarked van.
Thank you. So, so many thoughts. You are "spot on" with so much of this. Decades of recovery should have prepared me for the unexpected, but I was struck broadside. Utterly speechless for days, now. But you have eloquently put into words what I've been thinking. Thank you. Write on!
It's so weird how this just gave me a fuckton of clarity REAL FAST. I think in my heart of hearts, I knew he would win again, and I've been quiet in my house for a long time. I thought I was healing. That was only part of it. I was preparing myself for battle.
I just learned that people with ADHD or ASD actually do feel injustice much more keenly. And that the word is not “feel”, because when they do a brain scan, it is our cognitive centres rather than our emotional ones – don’t ask me what they are, I am not a Neurologist – that are activated. We think it through and are absolutely enraged. And right now I think that is our fucking job. We are doing the work we are supposed to do.
you are absolutely right - I will be talking about justice sensitivity in a later post. And of course the RSD of it all has kept us from speaking our minds and what our brains figured out before other people did...but let me tell you, my concerns about what people think of me have flown directly out the window.
Hey dear Kari!
I want to be a paid subscriber but I can’t do it directly only from newsletter that I got via email. So only in this case I can join. By the way, I’m from Iraq- Baghdad, and I think the Substack application’policy differs from country to country in respect to payment details. All the best.
ah I don't know what the payment specificities are with Substack, and you're so kind but tell you what - my dumbshit country MORE than owes you one so don't worry about it. :)
Dear Kari !
Bear with me my English language is not professional but I’m sure I will be happy and get more knowledge because I join you
Dear
I’m right now a paid subscriber. It was very difficult to be. Do you know what I did.
I blocked you and then unblocked you in order to get an auto email from you which allows me to be pay.
I did it
that is so kind of you and not necessary, but I thank you very much!
I think there is a problem with Substack platform. I did that with another Author and it did it successfully.
Thanks for this piece 😊. Being only slightly older than you, reading it is just like listening to my own inner voice nattering away…
For a newbie ADHDer, I recommend Additude magazine - I get their table of contents by email. Some issues are like “Crap. That’s me from cover to cover.”
Just now getting to reading this post and I had a spit take when I read your "let alone many rabbits" line :D
Psycho hose beast! ;-)
Also, your anger and your holiday choices are 100% justified and make total sense to me.
I MISS CIGARETTES SO MUCH. If I didn’t live with a little kid I would 100% be back on them, pronto.
Yeah, I won't start again because I am actually allergic to something in cigarettes, or it sets off my stomach issues/hives. The last time I smoked was when Roe fell, and I felt HORRIBLE. SO HORRIBLE. So vape it is, and they can take it out of my cold dead hands.
The last time I had a cigarette was election night 2016. My then baby didn’t smell it on me when I came home. My nine year old would 100% and call me out! As he should.
Back on the flossing horse we go, my name twin.
Omg. Are you Kari pronounced “Carrie” (like me) or are you a KAH-ree???
CARE-e not CAR-e for me. Officially a Karen, which has not been in fashion since 1981 when I was born, but is so much even less in fashion now. At Starbucks I was once a verb.
Oh hey 1981! Woooo!
I see and appreciate your rage - you’re in good company. I am still numb over here and trying to cope by doing long walks, comfort food and as much sleeping as I can manage. Neurodivergent brain has been allll over the place, of course. Bracing myself for thanksgiving - I will not be cooking, or engaging on political topics.
I can’t afford to cut off people in my life with different views, and have gotten better about knowing when to save my breath to protect my sanity. Folks on both sides of the political spectrum have strong, deeply held beliefs unlikely to be swayed by others’ opinions and arguments, and everyone feels that THE OTHER CANDIDATE represents a dangerous threat to their way of life / sense of safety / freedoms. Harris voters just have actual evidence that the other candidate is dangerous. Strap in, folks!
Heard and valid. Everyone has to figure out their lines right now. I don’t have kids. There’s no financial issues in this for me. So this is my line. But we all need to find them somewhere and fast