Hyperfixation Friday: Join the Childless Cat Lady Club!

THIS IS OUR MOMENT

I haven’t done one of these in a minute, because I wasn’t really that hyperfixated on anything for a while. Now, I am a little hyperfixated on the election. Just a smidgen. Oops. I had actually written an entire post about tips and tricks for NOT hyperfixating on the election, but that was a week ago, and that might as well have been from six years ago with everything that’s happened.

Not all of my posts from here on out are going to be about politics. I SWEAR. In the entire past year I think I have made one, maybe two, specific posts about politics.

But. My writing IS political. It’s kind of dumb I think I can avoid politics just by getting rid of (most) social media. The very fact of my existence is political. I am a playwright. I am a queer, neurodivergent woman. I was raised working class and I am a first generation college student.

I am also childless. This means many men hate me and wish I were dead probably. Especially since I am nearing the end of my childbearing years. I think they wish they could install technology that would turn us into dust the second our last period arrives. My decision not to have children was not motivated by politics, but it feels like I made a political choice. Basically, if it makes right wing men very angry, I just want to do it more.

ICYMI - Vice Presidential Nominee and Chief Neckbeard JD Vance made a dumb bullshit comment about childless cat ladies and our MISERY (and was referring specifically to Kamala Harris). Yes, my life is so miserable, what with all the extra money and having to take care of these creatures, who as you can see are Not Cute At All.

Annie is Team Brat. Talula is considering voting third party, but I am working on it.

Even one of our most well known childless ladies - Jennifer Aniston - has weighed in! I don’t know if she has a cat, but we all know she doesn’t have children, since the tabloids have been telling us that for close to 30 years now.

Also, I suspect that the Supreme Empress of Childless Cat Ladies has taken notice, and since she has not issued her presidential endorsement yet, I expect there to be an entire song written about this. Hell, maybe a whole album. I want her to release seven different versions on vinyl, each one with a different photo of her holding a cat. She’d make another billion AND save the country.

Benjamin Button for Veep?

I have many childfree women in my life, and let me tell you, reasons not to have children are like snowflakes - each unique and there are a lot of them. But the most important reason, and the answer we should give if asked is…

IT IS NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS WHY!

Period. End of.

I am sick and tired of being told what I can and cannot do with my body or my life because of the body I was born with. Last time I checked, despite what the Gilead Council insists, I am a human being with autonomy, I have a constitutional right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness, and I was not put on this earth to be bred like a race horse. Human beings have resisted “nature” since the start of recorded history. We were given a brain and free will. Yes, even women!

I am SO TIRED OF THIS. Aren’t you? Are all women right now just exhausted? They have to be. I bet even the trad wives hide out in the bathroom like “fuck these men” before they get back to making TikToks and whittling or whatever the hell they do.

And look, I think these idiot men are kind of scared of us, and probably jealous. Why wouldn’t they be? Our lives are pretty awesome! There are many benefits to being a Childless Cat Lady. Perks include, but are not limited to:

• Cats! As we know, right wing men prefer dogs, and while dogs are wonderful, dogs are associated with masculinity and cats are seen as “feminine”. Yes, of course you can have cats if you have kids, but this way there is no risk that your ungrateful fur babies will like your ungrateful human children better than you! It’s just science.

• We may have a husband or a partner, but it’s much easier to leave if things go south if you don’t have kids (they especially hate this part, as they are trying to get rid of no fault divorce)!

• Time and space to pursue a lifelong ambition or dream without having to worry about affording child care. Or just plain old living without having to worry about child care. No ambition needed!

• Spoiling the crap out of your friends’ kids and not having to deal with meltdowns, diapers or college tuition!

• Fully healing yourself from trauma without worrying about fucking up a whole ass human being in the process!

• More money to spend on cool things like your home and/or getting Republicans out of office!

• Making stupid men very angry!!

Sounds pretty good, right? I, for one, am PROUD to be in the Childless Cat Lady Club! I am proud that I made a decision that was healthy for me and that I didn’t bring an entire human into this world because I was told that is what I was supposed to do. I am proud of any one of us who weighed our options, felt societal pressure, and decided to go our own way. And besides - women live longer than men, and children eventually become adults and move away. Chances are that in our old age we might find ourselves alone…but you aren’t alone if you have a cat!

We need our allies more than ever. Come and join us, we’re a good time. We’ve got some wine and/or beverage of your choice on ice, plenty of craft supplies, eight years of stored up rage, and a desire to spread the apparently controversial belief that having children is not a requirement of being a human being with a uterus in this year of our Lord 2024.

And, for the love of god, please vote for Kamala Harris in November. I know there are a lot of things going on that we all hate, but I promise, letting Trump win will not solve any of those things. It would just hurt more people, and people are being hurt RIGHT NOW. I am worried about the women who are already dying, already being forced to go septic because they can’t receive basic medical care, and who live in states governed by men who think that Christian Dominion is a thing. I’m terrified for the children here who are dying, and in some cases being forced to give birth. I am terrified for the people in my neighborhood - which is one of the most diverse places on earth - as Trump threatens mass deportations.

Until Election Day, I will be donating 10% of any proceeds I make from subscriptions here to reproductive rights organizations, in honor of JD Vance. If there’s an organization you want me to support, drop it in the comments along with a picture of your cat, or a cat that you enjoy from the internets, or a friend’s cat - any cat! I will make sure he gets an acknowledgement in the mail! Maybe I should hide it in a couch cushion where he is sure to find it!¹

Also subscriptions are currently on sale - 25% off a yearly sub FOREVER! - so if you wanted to support me AND make a wannabe Gilead Commander very sad, this is a great time to do just that.

Annie and Talula thank you for your continued support.

1. I know the couch thing isn’t true but its funny anyway, and since they make shit up all the time, I don’t feel THAT bad about it since it won’t prevent people from getting health care!