Guilty Until Proven Innocent
If you live in the United States, and you are a woman, you should assume that the men in this country hate women1.
Yes, all men.
Let me explain.
I replied to a Note here on Substack basically saying that a lot of the reactions to Graham Platner dropping out of the Maine Senate race (mostly from men) have proven to me that people really do not give a shit about women.
A man responded, because of course he did, explaining that the court of public opinion needs to be “ethical”, and that means Platner is entitled to due process.
No he fucking isn’t, actually.
The “court of law” — public or otherwise — does not mean justice is done.
When we are talking about rape, we absolutely cannot rely on the court of law. The court of law has failed women at every turn.
I have statistics (from the RAINN website):
For every 1000 sexual assaults, 50 reports lead to arrests, 28 cases lead to felony convictions, and only 25 perpetrators are sentenced to incarceration. It should be noted that these are reported assaults.
Only 1 in 3 victims report their assault to law enforcement.
The reasons for not reporting assault include not wanting to get the perpetrator in trouble, distrust of police (WONDER WHY), and others…but the main reason is fear of retaliation.
Retaliation is not just legal.
Retaliation comes in the form of what any woman faces if she reports a sexual assault — death threats, stalking, familial alienation, costs of legal representation, and a full excavation of her personal life down to the smallest detail. If a woman reports a sexual assault, and it goes to trial, SHE is often the one on trial.
I won’t go into the statistics about false accusations, as they are out there, and they have been discussed. Tl; dr — they are exceedingly rare.
To the men who do not believe Platner’s victim — I can tell you that she took a great risk upon herself to speak out. She took that risk to protect other women. It is a risk that I don’t think many of you understand.
This isn’t the problem, though. Men pretend this is the problem. Women lie, etc.
But it’s not necessarily that they don’t believe the accusations.
It’s worse than that.
They think it should not disqualify him.
A lot of allegedly “leftist” men know better than to say they don’t believe the woman who has come forward, because they’re smart enough to understand that’s not a winning argument with people they are trying to convince. Instead, they insist it was just a “mistake” and “he’s atoned” and he’s a veteran and has C-PTSD etc. Or that we must do ANYTHING to defeat the GOP in the Senate race.
But I think it’s darker than that. Maybe they don’t think its disqualifying because they, at some point, committed sexual assault.
Or they know that they are capable of it.
Or they really wish they could.
Or they have no concept of what women walk around with in their bodies and hearts because of men who made a “mistake”.
Or — and this is most likely — they don’t give a shit.
So, we need to assume, until further notice or unless proven beyond a reasonable doubt, that all men in the United States hate women.
And that realization may be what saves us.
Because once you understand what you are dealing with, it informs how you carry yourself in this world. It informs the decisions you make, the people you keep company with, and the way you vote.
Of course —and I wish I could STOP qualifying this but people react and don’t think — men aren’t all bad. They don’t all hate us. And the men in our lives who love us and want to be better have the opportunity to make that known. Many of them already have. And that, my friends, is beautiful when it happens.
But our hands are tied, here. We can’t go forward assuming good will. It would be foolish of us to do so.
We are tired of explaining to you why sexual assault allegations are disqualifying. We are tired of explaining to you why Nazi tattoos are bad. We are tired of explaining that there is literally almost no upside to lying about sexual assault OR actually reporting it or coming forward publicly. We lose no matter what.
We are TIRED.
And so, sadly, we must be our own court. One that actually may keep us safe. One that may ensure that the young ones growing up today can get back rights so many of us took for granted, and that were stolen from us.
That court assumes the inverse of innocent until proven guilty.
Because this is not a court of law.
This is a fight for our lives.
And that is all I have to say about that.
A quick note to my subscribers, or anyone thinking about subscribing….
This month is the three year anniversary of The Long Climb!
In July of 2023, reeling from my recent ADHD diagnosis, and wanting to write about it, I decided to start a Substack. I didn’t even import people from my mailing lists. I just started writing. I needed an outlet that wasn’t beset with expectations from the jump.
And so I wrote. And kept writing. What a RIDE it has been. Thank you all so much for being here.
I have a lot more to say, but for now, I am announcing my Third Anniversary Sale and a new perk!
💰 Upgrade to a paid subscription for 30% off! This offer expires September 1st, and is for yearly subscriptions only.
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Thank you thank you thank you ALL for these amazing three years.
xoxo
KBQ
PS: Annie and Talula say hi
I say woman as shorthand, but I am encompassing other identities here and I’ve made that clear in other posts.
I ALREADY HAD TO HIT THE BAN HAMMER. I published less than an hour ago.
ALL MEN! A woman I was dating told me that the previous evening we’d been more intimate than she wanted to. I hadn’t gained positive consent and assumed she’d push back if I pressed too far. This is still sexual assault. And this is likely not the only time I did it. She was just secure enough to say something.
And I call myself a feminist. I’m a “nice guy.” I’m not a hypermasculine tool. I’m even bisexual, not straight. If it’s someone like me, then it’s all men. At least women must assume that.
Also, to the people who think he should be allowed to run regardless of the accusations, in a practical, political reality, it’s going to be hard enough to pull female voters away from a moderate female candidate on the other side. This would have tanked our shot at this seat. Not only does this make him unfit to serve, we are a lot more likely to win with a candidate who isn’t a rapist.