I definitely think I’m experiencing a trauma response and there’s also a lot of trauma going around in my family anyway- my husband’s uncle got a terminal diagnosis last week, because I’m a lawyer I was tasked with immediately handling POA paperwork, our cat disappeared for almost 24 hours and I sat in my therapist’s office and told her I feel like I’m being trolled. I am sleeping ok but I’m up at 4:55 am nearly every day like clockwork and going to sleep at 9:30 while my kids go to sleep at 9 so my husband and I have very little time together.
This past weekend we went to the mountains for his dad’s bday and the kids fell asleep on the way home and I talked to him about my election stress. He said he’s not worrying because it won’t help and I truly wish I could be more like my husband. He doesn’t get caught in the anxiety spirals like me. I was 30 weeks pregnant when Hillary lost and I keep looking at my almost 8 yo thinking please let us have a different outcome this time—my kid said “We are going to elect our first woman president!” when we walked out of early voting last week and I hope so much that it will come true.
I love my sweet nephew’s optimism! I wish I had his faith, but I am freaking out. My stomach is tensed up all day long; I am sleeping a bit better than earlier this month but I am still up at 4-4:30 am like clockwork. I felt blindsided when Hillary lost, and I don’t want to feel that way again, so my body is braced for impact like I am going to crash. I don’t know what to do at this point- I had had some hope and had made an effort to talk to people in person and actually try to win some of the conservative white women to my side by talking about reproductive rights, my daughter, and fertility treatments, but I was discouraged by the number of women who said they were going to vote for Trump anyway because of how they thought it would help them financially.
My husband and I haven’t been talking about our divided house problem at all. I voted for Kamala on Saturday and he plans to vote for Trump at some point this upcoming week since he likes to early vote too. We gave it our all this time and argued often about our reasons for wanting to vote this way, but my efforts fell flat, and I don’t think I ever believed I could convince him of the merits of my argument when he has been supporting Trump since 2016.
Since he did originally support Obama and as a mixed race man did get excited enough about Obama to vote for him in 2008 and 2012, I think I had an idea when we met in 2011 and were engaged in 2012 that he was just a more moderate Democrat and that eventually I would be able to persuade him of the merits of my support of LGBTQ people/gay marriage (he originally told me he just felt like civil unions were the way to go, and I thought that gave me something to work with). It’s been years and now that we have been married 11 years, I know that my ability to persuade him of some things does exist (we have made a lot of progress in a lot of other areas despite his stubborn personality). But my level of persuasive reasoning for politics does not exist- if anything when we had our daughter it pushed him into becoming more entrenched in conservative rhetoric because he’s so worried about what he sees as harmful things that could be in her head (my husband is super intense about vetting tv shows, music, and movies, but ultimately he loses momentum and desire to do it, so I put in a lot of effort to listen to a lot of Taylor Swift so that she doesn’t listen to anything too controversial and have tried to have a lot of in depth conversations with my almost 5 year old that are somewhat balanced and not just telling her that I don’t agree with Daddy). Unfortunately as much as my daughter loves my husband and is a Daddy’s girl (and as much as I love my husband and am so thrilled by how well he interacts with her most of the time), the way that he is about politics does affect their relationship because she sees him seeming more agitated and senses that. She has told me she feels closer to me and thinks I am more fun, and I worry about the distance that his dislike for Taylor Swift has created for her because she feels like she can’t share this huge thing about herself with her dad.
Thank you for letting me vent- I vented to my mother in law last night for 30 minutes while my daughter watched tv after dinner, and while she is conservative as well she does not put herself in the middle of our arguments whatsoever (I love that about her and I am sad that after 4 years of her living in my spare room, she is moving- albeit down the street so she will still be in our neighborhood).
It’s really hard not to be worried when all the polls and pundits and the candidate herself says they’re neck and neck, and the consequences if she doesn’t win are dire and unthinkable. And yet, of course we can’t help thinking about them. I’m trying to stay positive and hopeful because I know fear and worry won’t change the outcome, and hope feels a lot better. And I guess in my heart I really do think she’s going to win. I have to think that way. I just can’t accept that more people would want what he is offering, and if I’m wrong about that, why suffer now? Thank god this election cycle is almost over. It is exhausting and painful and I just want to get back to a world that feels sane. We haven’t had that since he came down the escalator. I’m not suggesting everything was great before then, but it felt better out in the world, generally speaking. Less open hatred and vitriol. People knew enough to hide their sexism and racism and homophobia. He made it acceptable to be proud of that shit and it’s so sad to miss the days when people looked around and lowered their voices before they told a sexist joke. That’s a low bar to begin with but who knew how low the bar could go? Anyway. Just wanted to send a hug across the interwebs. Hang in there. I’m glad you’re being kind to yourself. Sending lots of love. Let’s hope we have something to celebrate soon 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
"If I'm wrong about that, why suffer now?" - this is such a great attitude to have, and up until this week, I have been mostly hopeful. My body is just in this trauma place and that makes my brain go "DANGER!". Sigh. Fingers crossed. Somehow we will get through these next...*checks notes*....ten days or so.
I totally get it. And I hope I didn’t present that as my constant state. The anxiety and fear creep in a lot and I am exhausted. It’s just when I catch myself spiraling I try to shift back into that attitude. I try to do that when I worry about anything, some days I am more successful than others! 10 days. We can do it. Hugs, love.
Oh gosh, no of course not. That can't be ANYONE'S constant state!
It has been a big project of mine to try and have better strategies for catastrophizing, especially about things I don't know yet. I hate waiting, basically. I always say I can deal with anything as long as I know. I've been taking to my yoga mat a lot - it doesn't always stop the spiral, but it does keep me from feeling like my mind and my body aren't in the same place.
OMG I feel this so much. I'm on the same nausea inducing ride as you, and also having a 2016 trauma response. In the run-up to that election I was terrified and nearly certain that Trump would win the election and everyone told me I was crazy and that it was stupid to even worry about. Then it happened. Now I don't know if what I'm feeling is really authentic or if it's just my mind screwing with me because the topsy turvy way that 2016 rolled my life was just too painful to contemplate a sequel to.
Not knowing what's authentic and not trusting your brain is all part of the trauma response. We were in an abusive relationship. We ended it, but he did not go quietly. Indeed he never really went away, and now he might earn the right to move back into the house and we are rightly terrified and don't trust our instincts. It's fucking rough.
I feel you 💯 on this. I had a short girl’s trip last week. We didn’t take in any news, we just drank wine and talked and sat in a hot tub listening to the ocean. All three of us slept better than we had in years.
I’ve tried to avoid info since I came back but it’s almost impossible….I too have checked out of scrolling Notes here due to immediate anxiety spike and this scene is a million times healthier than most sources. Everyone I know with half a brain is petrified, and everyone else is just Tik Toking along, oblivious to whether we’re seeing a light at the end of the tunnel or an oncoming train. Let us not lose hope, k?
I definitely think I’m experiencing a trauma response and there’s also a lot of trauma going around in my family anyway- my husband’s uncle got a terminal diagnosis last week, because I’m a lawyer I was tasked with immediately handling POA paperwork, our cat disappeared for almost 24 hours and I sat in my therapist’s office and told her I feel like I’m being trolled. I am sleeping ok but I’m up at 4:55 am nearly every day like clockwork and going to sleep at 9:30 while my kids go to sleep at 9 so my husband and I have very little time together.
This past weekend we went to the mountains for his dad’s bday and the kids fell asleep on the way home and I talked to him about my election stress. He said he’s not worrying because it won’t help and I truly wish I could be more like my husband. He doesn’t get caught in the anxiety spirals like me. I was 30 weeks pregnant when Hillary lost and I keep looking at my almost 8 yo thinking please let us have a different outcome this time—my kid said “We are going to elect our first woman president!” when we walked out of early voting last week and I hope so much that it will come true.
Thank you for the chance to vent.
I love my sweet nephew’s optimism! I wish I had his faith, but I am freaking out. My stomach is tensed up all day long; I am sleeping a bit better than earlier this month but I am still up at 4-4:30 am like clockwork. I felt blindsided when Hillary lost, and I don’t want to feel that way again, so my body is braced for impact like I am going to crash. I don’t know what to do at this point- I had had some hope and had made an effort to talk to people in person and actually try to win some of the conservative white women to my side by talking about reproductive rights, my daughter, and fertility treatments, but I was discouraged by the number of women who said they were going to vote for Trump anyway because of how they thought it would help them financially.
My husband and I haven’t been talking about our divided house problem at all. I voted for Kamala on Saturday and he plans to vote for Trump at some point this upcoming week since he likes to early vote too. We gave it our all this time and argued often about our reasons for wanting to vote this way, but my efforts fell flat, and I don’t think I ever believed I could convince him of the merits of my argument when he has been supporting Trump since 2016.
Since he did originally support Obama and as a mixed race man did get excited enough about Obama to vote for him in 2008 and 2012, I think I had an idea when we met in 2011 and were engaged in 2012 that he was just a more moderate Democrat and that eventually I would be able to persuade him of the merits of my support of LGBTQ people/gay marriage (he originally told me he just felt like civil unions were the way to go, and I thought that gave me something to work with). It’s been years and now that we have been married 11 years, I know that my ability to persuade him of some things does exist (we have made a lot of progress in a lot of other areas despite his stubborn personality). But my level of persuasive reasoning for politics does not exist- if anything when we had our daughter it pushed him into becoming more entrenched in conservative rhetoric because he’s so worried about what he sees as harmful things that could be in her head (my husband is super intense about vetting tv shows, music, and movies, but ultimately he loses momentum and desire to do it, so I put in a lot of effort to listen to a lot of Taylor Swift so that she doesn’t listen to anything too controversial and have tried to have a lot of in depth conversations with my almost 5 year old that are somewhat balanced and not just telling her that I don’t agree with Daddy). Unfortunately as much as my daughter loves my husband and is a Daddy’s girl (and as much as I love my husband and am so thrilled by how well he interacts with her most of the time), the way that he is about politics does affect their relationship because she sees him seeming more agitated and senses that. She has told me she feels closer to me and thinks I am more fun, and I worry about the distance that his dislike for Taylor Swift has created for her because she feels like she can’t share this huge thing about herself with her dad.
Thank you for letting me vent- I vented to my mother in law last night for 30 minutes while my daughter watched tv after dinner, and while she is conservative as well she does not put herself in the middle of our arguments whatsoever (I love that about her and I am sad that after 4 years of her living in my spare room, she is moving- albeit down the street so she will still be in our neighborhood).
It’s really hard not to be worried when all the polls and pundits and the candidate herself says they’re neck and neck, and the consequences if she doesn’t win are dire and unthinkable. And yet, of course we can’t help thinking about them. I’m trying to stay positive and hopeful because I know fear and worry won’t change the outcome, and hope feels a lot better. And I guess in my heart I really do think she’s going to win. I have to think that way. I just can’t accept that more people would want what he is offering, and if I’m wrong about that, why suffer now? Thank god this election cycle is almost over. It is exhausting and painful and I just want to get back to a world that feels sane. We haven’t had that since he came down the escalator. I’m not suggesting everything was great before then, but it felt better out in the world, generally speaking. Less open hatred and vitriol. People knew enough to hide their sexism and racism and homophobia. He made it acceptable to be proud of that shit and it’s so sad to miss the days when people looked around and lowered their voices before they told a sexist joke. That’s a low bar to begin with but who knew how low the bar could go? Anyway. Just wanted to send a hug across the interwebs. Hang in there. I’m glad you’re being kind to yourself. Sending lots of love. Let’s hope we have something to celebrate soon 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
"If I'm wrong about that, why suffer now?" - this is such a great attitude to have, and up until this week, I have been mostly hopeful. My body is just in this trauma place and that makes my brain go "DANGER!". Sigh. Fingers crossed. Somehow we will get through these next...*checks notes*....ten days or so.
I totally get it. And I hope I didn’t present that as my constant state. The anxiety and fear creep in a lot and I am exhausted. It’s just when I catch myself spiraling I try to shift back into that attitude. I try to do that when I worry about anything, some days I am more successful than others! 10 days. We can do it. Hugs, love.
Oh gosh, no of course not. That can't be ANYONE'S constant state!
It has been a big project of mine to try and have better strategies for catastrophizing, especially about things I don't know yet. I hate waiting, basically. I always say I can deal with anything as long as I know. I've been taking to my yoga mat a lot - it doesn't always stop the spiral, but it does keep me from feeling like my mind and my body aren't in the same place.
OMG I feel this so much. I'm on the same nausea inducing ride as you, and also having a 2016 trauma response. In the run-up to that election I was terrified and nearly certain that Trump would win the election and everyone told me I was crazy and that it was stupid to even worry about. Then it happened. Now I don't know if what I'm feeling is really authentic or if it's just my mind screwing with me because the topsy turvy way that 2016 rolled my life was just too painful to contemplate a sequel to.
Same. I knew he’d win. I’m just not sure this time. I’m stressed out and exhausted
Right there with you, lady. Big hugs 🤗❤️
Not knowing what's authentic and not trusting your brain is all part of the trauma response. We were in an abusive relationship. We ended it, but he did not go quietly. Indeed he never really went away, and now he might earn the right to move back into the house and we are rightly terrified and don't trust our instincts. It's fucking rough.
Oh Christ that’s true
I feel you 💯 on this. I had a short girl’s trip last week. We didn’t take in any news, we just drank wine and talked and sat in a hot tub listening to the ocean. All three of us slept better than we had in years.
I’ve tried to avoid info since I came back but it’s almost impossible….I too have checked out of scrolling Notes here due to immediate anxiety spike and this scene is a million times healthier than most sources. Everyone I know with half a brain is petrified, and everyone else is just Tik Toking along, oblivious to whether we’re seeing a light at the end of the tunnel or an oncoming train. Let us not lose hope, k?