Indeed. Death and dying (of individuals, of societies, of things one had reason to believe were reliable/dependable, of moral and ethical contracts…) are absolutely exhausting. So is moving forward. May you find some little pockets of ease and elasticity here and there, and a few extra packets of soup.
It's so exhausting for those of us paying attention; for those with keen pattern recognition. You've hunkered down because you know the climb is long, I think that's an amazing thing! We need more rest, even if it doesn't feel restful, to lace up for another day. It also allows others to say, "Hey, sit this bit out, I've got you. Unzip that tent when you can."
I'm glad you're here, too. Wherever you are on the climb. For whatever it's worth, I'm the oldest of the Xers and your words ring true for me, too (even though I'm getting some advantages that those after me won't and that gives me something like survivor guilt). My body takes me down through migraines. Back spasms. Stupid accidents that cause injuries. My nervous system likes to mix it up. I used to be a teacher, and every year over winter break I would return to some semblance of health and I would swear (SWEAR) that when I went back it would be different, that I would sleep and eat right and move my body and write things and I never ever ever could. And because that was a decade or more ago and not now, I would blame myself for my "failings." The blaming was almost as bad for me as the systems grinding me down, but at least I know now that it wasn't actually me and my shortcomings that were making life so untenable. Don't know if you read anything from the collapse aware folks, but I read something last month from someone writing about collapse acceptance. The basic thesis is: It gets better when you accept that the world as you've known it isn't as you've known it. But first you go through an existential hell. I know this sounds depressing, but I've found it helpful as I've been navigating betrayals of all kinds over the past year. I think what might be true about the summit is that we can see more clearly where we are and what is what. It'll still be fucking cold and windy, but we'll know. I'll let you know if I ever get there myself.
You know what? We literally hiked a very long, steep at times, and crazy mountain late last summer. It took 5 hours. We met a couple that, in all honesty, I thought weren't in as good a shape as we were. In fact, the guy was 80. She was maybe 55-60. At one point, I was where you're talking. I couldn't go on. They passed us. Ack. But I thought to myself, there's no way I'm not finishing this and they are. LOL. So I pushed on and finished it. I was very proud of myself, happy I didn't give up. So hang in there. We can do this. 👊
I fully got lapped by two 70 something year old ladies on a hike in the Catskills. We saw them again when they were coming back down and we were still going up! 😂
Wow, this is great writing. I'm a Boomer with millennial children. I'm now thinking it was nothing more than luck that I happened to be born in a time of relative peace and prosperity in a country that seemed to believe in Democracy. In retrospect it appears to have been a flukish abnormality in a world history mostly marked by wars, cruelty and suffering. The mirage of a few decades of relative peace seems to be shattering as we revert to tribal hatred and wars. I think many of us assumed in "the arc of history bends towards justice". That now seems like pure bullshit as we collapse in greed, hatred and violence. The world is reverting to form. It is frightening, exhausting, sickening and shocking. Anyone who is awake and aware feels it. We wait for some return to normalcy, when it seems this is the real norm. Take care and thank you for sharing your writing.
This is so fucking relatable it hurts. I’ve been sick for a couple of weeks now, not the flu, just enough to remind me I’m not fully well. Exhausted. Drained. And today our dog died. Like wtf man…
and yet I too will unzip my tent and step out tomorrow, back to the grind of screaming into the abyss.
This piece really resonated for me, especially the mountain metaphor. I’ve been attempting to recover from burnout for months now and am similarly struggling to find a path forward.
On a daily basis I remind myself that collectively we’re attempting to process generations’ worth of trauma right now. The background noise of fear and uncertainly is loud, especially here in the US. Our nervous systems simply can’t absorb and process it all if we are to carry on.
One final thought, perhaps a little glimmer- I’m gathering some strength from reading Substack posts like yours. It’s so helpful to know that while we may feel alone climbing our individual mountains, we’re together in this collective struggle for community, justice, and meaning amidst the chaos. 💓
Oh Kari, I just want to send you love and cookies filled with kindness. I found myself thinking of the famous Krishnamurti quote: ‘It Is No Measure of Health To Be Well-Adjusted to a Profoundly Sick Society.’ I have Long Covid and am functioning at about 25% right now - it's just all too much! (I've come off all social media except an occasional look at Notes on the computer - nothing on my phone - it has helped a little - but the world continues to eat itself, whether I'm paying attention to the details or not...) Big hugs, Jody x
Thank you, Jody. I am feeling a lot better today because I finally got some sleep (thank you, restorative yoga). I'm so sorry about your Long COVID - I really hope you can get some relief. I have been guilty of too much scrolling, but even when I take breaks, its all humming in the background. Sigh.
Indeed. Death and dying (of individuals, of societies, of things one had reason to believe were reliable/dependable, of moral and ethical contracts…) are absolutely exhausting. So is moving forward. May you find some little pockets of ease and elasticity here and there, and a few extra packets of soup.
thank you Hanne ❤️
It's so exhausting for those of us paying attention; for those with keen pattern recognition. You've hunkered down because you know the climb is long, I think that's an amazing thing! We need more rest, even if it doesn't feel restful, to lace up for another day. It also allows others to say, "Hey, sit this bit out, I've got you. Unzip that tent when you can."
So exhausting…it’s not fun when your brain keeps adding it all up.
I'm glad you're here, too. Wherever you are on the climb. For whatever it's worth, I'm the oldest of the Xers and your words ring true for me, too (even though I'm getting some advantages that those after me won't and that gives me something like survivor guilt). My body takes me down through migraines. Back spasms. Stupid accidents that cause injuries. My nervous system likes to mix it up. I used to be a teacher, and every year over winter break I would return to some semblance of health and I would swear (SWEAR) that when I went back it would be different, that I would sleep and eat right and move my body and write things and I never ever ever could. And because that was a decade or more ago and not now, I would blame myself for my "failings." The blaming was almost as bad for me as the systems grinding me down, but at least I know now that it wasn't actually me and my shortcomings that were making life so untenable. Don't know if you read anything from the collapse aware folks, but I read something last month from someone writing about collapse acceptance. The basic thesis is: It gets better when you accept that the world as you've known it isn't as you've known it. But first you go through an existential hell. I know this sounds depressing, but I've found it helpful as I've been navigating betrayals of all kinds over the past year. I think what might be true about the summit is that we can see more clearly where we are and what is what. It'll still be fucking cold and windy, but we'll know. I'll let you know if I ever get there myself.
Thank you Rita ❤️
You know what? We literally hiked a very long, steep at times, and crazy mountain late last summer. It took 5 hours. We met a couple that, in all honesty, I thought weren't in as good a shape as we were. In fact, the guy was 80. She was maybe 55-60. At one point, I was where you're talking. I couldn't go on. They passed us. Ack. But I thought to myself, there's no way I'm not finishing this and they are. LOL. So I pushed on and finished it. I was very proud of myself, happy I didn't give up. So hang in there. We can do this. 👊
I fully got lapped by two 70 something year old ladies on a hike in the Catskills. We saw them again when they were coming back down and we were still going up! 😂
Nothing like that for incentive, though. Am I right? 😂
Wow, this is great writing. I'm a Boomer with millennial children. I'm now thinking it was nothing more than luck that I happened to be born in a time of relative peace and prosperity in a country that seemed to believe in Democracy. In retrospect it appears to have been a flukish abnormality in a world history mostly marked by wars, cruelty and suffering. The mirage of a few decades of relative peace seems to be shattering as we revert to tribal hatred and wars. I think many of us assumed in "the arc of history bends towards justice". That now seems like pure bullshit as we collapse in greed, hatred and violence. The world is reverting to form. It is frightening, exhausting, sickening and shocking. Anyone who is awake and aware feels it. We wait for some return to normalcy, when it seems this is the real norm. Take care and thank you for sharing your writing.
Thank you, Barry. Your kids are lucky to have you.
This is so fucking relatable it hurts. I’ve been sick for a couple of weeks now, not the flu, just enough to remind me I’m not fully well. Exhausted. Drained. And today our dog died. Like wtf man…
and yet I too will unzip my tent and step out tomorrow, back to the grind of screaming into the abyss.
I hear you. I feel you. We’re in this together.
❤️❤️❤️
Kari, the way you write is so comforting. You provide some clarity in the chaos and it’s more helpful than you may know. Hugs ♥️
Thank you my love ❤️ I am glad it was comforting, it's comforting that people read and relate.
This piece really resonated for me, especially the mountain metaphor. I’ve been attempting to recover from burnout for months now and am similarly struggling to find a path forward.
On a daily basis I remind myself that collectively we’re attempting to process generations’ worth of trauma right now. The background noise of fear and uncertainly is loud, especially here in the US. Our nervous systems simply can’t absorb and process it all if we are to carry on.
One final thought, perhaps a little glimmer- I’m gathering some strength from reading Substack posts like yours. It’s so helpful to know that while we may feel alone climbing our individual mountains, we’re together in this collective struggle for community, justice, and meaning amidst the chaos. 💓
Thanks for reading ❤️ it helps me feel less alone, too, when people comment. I really felt so alone writing it this week even though I knew I wasn’t.
Oh Kari, I just want to send you love and cookies filled with kindness. I found myself thinking of the famous Krishnamurti quote: ‘It Is No Measure of Health To Be Well-Adjusted to a Profoundly Sick Society.’ I have Long Covid and am functioning at about 25% right now - it's just all too much! (I've come off all social media except an occasional look at Notes on the computer - nothing on my phone - it has helped a little - but the world continues to eat itself, whether I'm paying attention to the details or not...) Big hugs, Jody x
Thank you, Jody. I am feeling a lot better today because I finally got some sleep (thank you, restorative yoga). I'm so sorry about your Long COVID - I really hope you can get some relief. I have been guilty of too much scrolling, but even when I take breaks, its all humming in the background. Sigh.
If that is what you took away from this post, I can't help you.
Posting a nastygram and blocking is...not the point she thinks she was making!
Thank you for reading!