Let's Get Cooking

cooking doesn't have to be an ADHDers worst enemy

Photo by Maarten van den Heuvel on Unsplash

I was texting with my friend about cooking, and he was like “you should write about cooking!”. I feel like things have been HEAVY for me this month (I am feeling better mostly but it’s been a little rough), and I’m still processing a lot, so cooking feels like a good and safe thing to talk about this week.

I am always a little hesitant to dole out advice here, just because I am relatively new on the ADHD journey, but I feel like I can talk about cooking with some degree of authority. It was a long process for me, but now it is something I am passionate about.

---

Cooking is a huge stumbling block for many with ADHD, and I understand why. Grocery shopping overwhelms me a lot of the time, and if I don’t go in with a very organized list, I tend to panic. Recipes can be hard to follow, especially if there are a lot of steps. Timing is important, and time blindness can be a factor. Distractions are everywhere. However, cooking has become a refuge and a creative outlet for me over the years.

My earliest memories of being in the kitchen were with my maternal grandmother. She was no Julia Child, but the things she was good at were really good. She had a knack for German food (she was of German heritage), her spaghetti and meatballs were delish, and she could make a mean Chicken Marsala. Chicken Marsala was one of my first deep food loves. Even when I ordered it at a restaurant, the way my grandmother made it was my favorite. Her version was LOADED with mushrooms and was a thicker, browner sauce. My first real attempt at cooking was after my grandmother died, when my mom and I were trying to replicate her Chicken Marsala recipe. By the time I was in high school, I got it down pat. I knew to dredge my chicken in flour and brown it first. I figured out how to layer the flavors by using an absolute fuckton of marsala wine and as many mushrooms as I could shove into a pan. A dash of Gravy Master and voila. I realize now that what I really loved about it was umami - that fifth taste that is hard to describe. Now that I know how Chicken Marsala is actually made, I was absolutely Doing It Wrong. Actual marsala sauce is light and buttery, not a thick brown sauce like I made. No self-respecting Italian nonna would use Gravy Master. However, my mom and I loved it, and I made it often. We would eat it with gusto, loaded with grated parmesan cheese over linguini.

---

I have always loved food, but learning to love cooking was a process. When I first moved in with my husband, Chicken Marsala was one of the only things I actually knew to cook. Of course, the times I did actually make it, the kitchen looked like a bomb went off in it. My husband likes a tidy kitchen, and since we have the rule that if you cook the other person cleans, he would walk into a disaster hellscape that took a great deal of time to clean. Important to remember: flour is VERY STICKY.  My former method of cooking was to try and do everything at the same time, in no kind of orderly fashion. I didn’t know I had ADHD at the time, but if you are trying to saute your aromatics and haven’t even gotten around to browning your chicken yet, you are just asking for trouble.

I have always loved eating at restaurants, and I am a very adventurous eater. I will try just about anything at least once. Despite my love of all things dining, I didn’t get serious about cooking until I started watching Top Chef, as well as Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations (god I miss Tony still). I was fascinated by the creative process of chefs, and food shows are still among my favorite things to watch. I also tuned into more traditional cooking shows with chefs like Giada DeLaurentis, Nigella Lawson, and of course -  the Barefoot Contessa herself -  Ina Garten. 

When I lost my job in 2011, it was almost six months before I started working again. In order to save money and not blow through my severance package, I took on a lot of cooking. I watched a lot of Food Network. This was when I bought actual cookbooks and started trying new things. I find the process of cooking really creative, and it gives me something to focus on while also giving me my favorite dopamine hit; delicious food. By the time my unemployment was over, I had plenty of new dishes in my roster. When I started grad school in 2013, cooking became my favorite procrastination activity. I called it Avoiding Schoolwork Kitchen. 25 page paper due tomorrow? Sure, I’ll get cracking on that once I finish spending all day on a slow braised coq au vin.

---

In 2020, cooking saved my life. I couldn’t write, I couldn’t do much of anything, but I had to cook out of necessity during the lockdown. I made homemade broth. I made bread. I made sauces. I tried different cuisines. If I didn’t have cooking to focus on, I well and truly would have lost my entire mind. I honed my skills and I can honestly say I am a pretty decent cook now. I’m not opening a restaurant any time soon, but I learned to cook on the fly with things I already have in the house, and don’t always have to rely on recipes. I am obsessed with spices and ingredients. I love making stews and soups. I love roasting things. 

When we finally got vaccinated, I hosted a small dinner party for a few of my friends. I made a Sicilian inspired feast with some help from Alison Roman, and it came out really good. I am hoping to do more entertaining in the future. Cooking is part of my love language. If I cook for you, it means I love you. My husband has been a willing guinea pig for all of my experiments. My favorite thing to cook is Italian food. I seem to have a knack for it, and it's all about simplicity and good ingredients. One of the best things I’ve ever made was pappardelle with fresh porcini mushrooms (a splurge at Eataly). 

Pappardelle with porcini mushrooms and arugula salad with lemon shallot dressing. If I’d paid for it at a restaurant, I would not have been mad at it.

I also learned how to be a more efficient cook who does NOT blow up my entire kitchen every time. I’m not a professional chef, but I do have a few ADHD friendly tips based on trial and error. And trust me, it was a LOT OF ERROR.

• Mise en place is essential. It means “putting in place” or “gather” in French, and any good home cook or chef does a mise.  Before turning a single burner on, make sure you gather up your ingredients. Chop veggies, portion out meats, measure anything that needs to be measured. I have a ton of little Pyrex bowls and put everything in an orderly fashion. Get it all done in advance and you won’t be so overwhelmed. It also makes it easier to follow a recipe. If you have helpers like kids or spouses, this is the time to hand them a knife. You can also pre-chop veggies and keep them in containers in the fridge. Hate chopping? Get pre-cut veggies at Trader Joe’s or another grocery store. Costs a little more, but saves agony and overthinking.

• Meal planning is essential. If you need to eat dinner at home for much of the week, make a plan on Sunday (or choose a day when you can carve out some time). Make all the lists. Figure out what ingredients you need. Sunday is always my big cooking day. I usually make a pasta dish on Sunday and prep things for a one pot meal on Monday that will give us leftovers through Wednesday. This removes a lot of anxiety for me.

• Pantry staples! You should always have: salt and pepper, dried herbs (rosemary, oregano and thyme), butter, eggs, garlic, onions, olive oil, crushed tomatoes, tomato paste, canned beans, dried pasta, parmesan cheese, lemons, limes, potatoes, and frozen or fresh veggies. These ingredients alone can make a lot of different things. A pasta with a simple pan marinara or garlic and oil is perfectly fine. You can throw some broccoli in there to get your vitamins. Or not!

• Buy measuring cups and measuring spoons. Sounds obvious, but if you don’t have a great feel for what a tablespoon or teaspoon looks like, or you have no clue how much a cup of dried beans are, this is essential.

• If grocery shopping spins you out, use a delivery service like FreshDirect, or order from your local grocery store online for pickup. Sometimes the very act of having to deal with the store is too much.

• Gadgets are your friend. An air fryer is one I highly recommend. It’s so easy to use. It’s basically a small convection oven. Throw some olive oil on some cut up potatoes and you can have delicious roasted potatoes in 20 mins! You can also cook frozen things in it like fries or tots, and it’s aces for leftovers like egg rolls, dumplings, chicken, whatever. And…it doesn’t overheat your house, making it clutch in the summer.

• Start simple! If you don’t cook much, find recipes that only require a few ingredients and go from there. Good food does not have to be complex. My favorite simple and fail proof recipe is Thomas Keller’s roasted chicken (don’t worry too much about the trussing part). It has never let me down.

• You can buy a whole rotisserie chicken at the grocery store and use it for so many things. Grab some taco shells and fixings! Put it in a salad! Buy some pre-made pasta sauce and add the chicken for protein! 

• Rice can be tricky to cook. Don’t be ashamed about ordering a bunch of rice from your local Chinese or Thai place and keeping it in a tupperware in the fridge. It’s easy to reheat, and can save a lot of time and stress.

• Give yourself a Cooking Present. Listen to music or have a glass of wine/fun non-alcoholic bevvie while you cook. Give your dopamine monkey a little treat. 

• Clean as you go. While you’re waiting for pasta water to boil, or something to roast, throw out your veggie scraps and put a few things away. It makes everything easy to find and eliminates work for later.

• Meal services like Blue Apron are an excellent way to start learning the basics. Everything comes mostly pre-cut and pre-measured, there is no grocery shopping required, and the instructions are usually easy to follow. 

• Frozen veggies are FINE. They are fine! Most are flash frozen at peak freshness.  

• One pot dishes are a great starting point. This is a tried and true recipe I still use to this day.

• Make soup! It’s filling and all you need on the side is a crusty loaf of bread.  This is a simple and filling lentil soup recipe I use a lot.

• Timers are your best friend. I have the one on my oven, the one on my phone, and the one on my air fryer often going all at once. If you have time blindness like me, this helps make sure you don’t burn stuff or overcook your pasta

• Roasting veggies is one of the easiest things you can do, and you can make big batches of them and reheat them. 

• Cooking is not a science like baking. It is creative and intuitive. Play with fun spices! Taste your food! In the beginning, you should measure your ingredients, but as you gain skill and confidence, you can experiment more.

• It is totally okay to make ramen noodles. They’re cheap, quick and easy. Just throw in some fresh veggies when the water is boiling, then add your ramen and seasoning packet. Experiment! I like adding dried seaweed, shiitake mushrooms, bok choy, togarashi, and a 6 minute egg.

• It is also totally okay to make a pick plate for dinner if you just Cannot today. Have some nice crackers and cheese leftover from a party and not a fuck to give? Great! Grab some pre cut veggies or some pepperoni from the store. Have you a classy little charcuterie. Get crazy and throw some olives on there. Maybe some honey or jam! 

• Don’t get discouraged when things go awry. It’s a learning process and sometimes a dish won’t turn out right. Make a note of what went wrong and let it go. 

Cooking may never be a thing you love, but it doesn’t have to be so hard. If you think simple and take shortcuts, you can learn to cook in a way that doesn’t make your ADHD brain go on the fritz. Think about the food you really love, the food that interests you, and start there. No one is expecting you to become Eric Ripert, but being able to prepare a nice meal feels really good.

And remember: if all else fails, you can always order a pizza.