It's Not All So Serious
in which I promise not every post will be sad
First things first - thank you so much to the folks who subscribed and supported! I didn’t think I’d get anyone the first day, so it’s nice to know you’re out there!
I promise not everything I write here will be as heavy as yesterday’s post. Having ADHD sucks for the most part (for people who say it’s a “gift”…I’d like to return it please), but it’s also…really funny? Like some of the shit I do is FUNNY. Now that I know why it happens, it doesn’t make me feel so shitty and ashamed. It’s more like “oh boy, look what my brain did!”. The other night, for example, I cracked open a pint of ice cream so I could enjoy it while watching my stories. There is a plastic peel off thing after you take the lid off, one of those pieces of plastic that make us all feel secure that no one tampered with our ice cream. Fuck you whales and dolphins, I guess. Anyway, later on I noticed a stain on the couch. My dumb brain decided the best place to put that piece of plastic was not in the trash. Not even on the coffee table. NAY, we decided the best course of action was to haphazardly fling it directly onto the couch cushion. Normally I would have been exasperated by this, but instead I told my husband and we both laughed about it. Thank god for forgiving microfiber couches.
My poor husband. We have been married for 18 years, and I really think living with me isn’t so bad except when I am a big giant crazy mystery. There are definitely things I did that confused the absolute shit out of him. Like when I would walk into a room, say “ugh look at that mess over there”, and then proceed to immediately forget about said mess and walk by it 27 times without doing a single thing about it. Like I didn’t see it. It’s also probably no longer a mystery why I will start talking about something VERY IMPORTANT (for anyone who knows me….I talk. A lot. This is a common ADHD thing), and then go off on a wild tangent, and never return to the original topic that I thought was so crucial for us to discuss at the time. It’s why having a fight with me is a ride on the Willy Wonka Boat.
This morning, I went to pour myself an iced coffee. I am drinking less caffeine these days, because Adderall is a stimulant and I like to keep my heart rate somewhere below Bunny Rabbit on Cocaine, but I do enjoy a nice cup in the morning. I took out my coffee cup, added milk and sugar, and then proceeded to take out my Brita pitcher and pour water in it. Who doesn’t like a water con leche? Oy. Needless to say, I hadn’t taken my meds yet. At least I didn’t feed my cats leftover Indian food.
With medication, I am doing fewer dumb things, but dumb brain is still gonna dumb. I accept it. My neurodivergence (can we stop saying neurospicy? Like, not everything needs a cute nickname does it?) can be ridiculously annoying, but I think it’s part of what makes me interesting. Being in my life is many things, but it’s definitely not boring. And as a theater maker, I don’t like to bore the people.
What will happen this Monday? Will I put my keys in the fridge? Will I go to the grocery store and get everything on my list except the one thing I crucially need? Will I promise to do work and hyperfocus on video games instead? Who knows!